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  • 1 Post By carang
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Should I go back on my word?

  1. #1
    genkimom is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Hong Kong

    Should I go back on my word?

    Three things have happened recently with my helper that has really upset me. 1. She asked my son to keep secrets from me. 2. One of the secrets was that she was leaving the baby alone (asleep) in her crib while she left the house to fetch my son from school. 3. She left the house with the gas stove on and locked herself out of the house.

    Of course I was beside myself. I told her leaving the baby alone is against the law in HK, incredibly dangerous, and the stupidest thing she has ever done. I told her I would have to think about whether or not I would keep her. Not to mention my husband's boss fired him because he had to leave work to let her into the house. But after discussing with my husband, he decided it was better to keep her than try our luck with another helper who might be equally irresponsible and we had to take responsibility for not specifically mentioning not to do these things. SO we told her we would not fire her.

    That was two weeks ago, but I still feel like I can't trust her. And really, who on Earth expects they have to tell a person not to leave a baby alone in the house? Or not to leave the gas stove burning? And the secret keeping REALLY bothers me. What else am I not being told?

    I sat her down with the list of rules I gave her when she arrived last year, updated to state she must never ever leave the children unattended. No secrets. A few other changes. And stressed this was her last chance. But I still feel uneasy.

    I know what I need to do is let her go, but my children are quite attached to her and there is a good chance anyone who replaces her will be much I did promise to give her another chance.

    What would you do?

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Sai Kung

    how could it possibly be better to keep a helper whom you know to be irresponsible and dangerous caring for your kids than finding a new helper?

    how could anything be worse than leaving the baby?

    there are somethings that deserve another chance.... leaving your baby is NOT one of them.

    do you feel that she is helping you still? or that you have another child to care for? if the former, then keep her. if the latter, then terminate her. (as a matter of fact, i would say that leaving the baby would give you the "with cause" necessary not to even pay her the 1 month notice!)

    Last edited by carang; 02-21-2013 at 08:54 PM.
    mummymoo likes this.

  3. #3
    mummymoo is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Hong Kong

    One of the secrets was that she was leaving the baby alone (asleep) in her crib while she left the house to fetch my son from school.

    Genkimum, did you ever give her clear instructions as to what was supposed to happen in a situation where she needs to pick up your son but your baby is sound asleep? Is she allowed/supposed to wake your baby up and put them in a bjorn or stroller? Is your son at an age where if the baby is fussy because he/she has been woken up, that if the helper were to devote 100% of her time to settling him/her that it is physically manageable for her?

    I'm not trying to excusing your helper but some children including my kids can go quite feral when you interrupt their schedule and it can be a punishing outcome which my husband and I AVOID like the plague. Case in point, when my toddler is not put down by 11.30-12pm she gets over tired and agitated, she can't sleep and will cry inconsolably for 1-1.5 hours (not a lot of fun) then she will fall asleep exhausted LATE at around 2-3pm, sleep for even as little as 45 minutes (and wake up aggressive when we have to wake her up because she hasn't had a proper nap) and then be up til 11pm at night when she would usually sleep at 8pm. For these reasons we would never dare to wake our toddler up and have asked that our helpers/grandparents/ even ourselves do not under any circumstances wake up the little tigger.

    I would suggest trying to work out why she did what she did. Perhaps if she didn't want to wake up the baby as she just can't cope with two kids if one is unsettled. May be the solution would be to put the baby down in a stroller if it is around the time she needs to pick up your son.

  4. #4
    miran is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2011
    hong kong

    I am quite horrified just reading this. She would be out of my home the very same day. Am not sure she didnt "realise" the gravity of her actions - it would not a be a secret shared with your son otherwise.

    Gataloca and carang like this.

  5. #5
    Gataloca's Avatar
    Gataloca is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2010

    Was going to say the same as Miran. If she asked your son not to tell you, then she knew that was she was doing wasn't right.

    carang and miran like this.

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