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  • 1 Post By charade

need help!!

  1. #1
    aph22 is offline Registered User
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    need help!!

    i ve a 3.5 year old high energy boy.he is going to a nearby kindergarten for almost one and a half year and always been a good boy and never got any complains about his behavior in school.but in past 15 days i ve been bombardered with so many complains of his hitting and pushing in the school.its amazing to see the change in my son the moment he enters the classroom ,the moment he is in he starts pushing anybody comes in front of him and the teachers from a distance keep on asking him not to do it.few more things happend in last one months or so,previously there ver only 8 kids n 2 teachers now there r 20 kids n the 2 teachers,my husband is out in the business trip for almost 2 months now and after that there ver few wee wee accidents in the school ,instead of him being potty trained from last aug sept,so i started sending him in diapers again but school said they wont allow it n send him in undies,after that also the accidents continues n then they stopped even changing his pants so that he understands it...and the more they r doing it the more bizarre his behavior is getting..few mare things happens in the class first my son hits somebody then teachers ll ask him not to do it then he ll climbs on the chair teachers ll be keep on saying not to do it,starts jumping on it ,then atlast what he does is wee wee on his pants or sometimes he takes off his pants.the teachers are unable to stop him coz i think there are first not enough teachers n second no consistancy of consequences of his behaviour.the school asked me to get him assessed and i did that he is fine for that matter but behavior prob is there which has to be deal with.here i wanted the school to help my son with a help of a professional but all they wanted was to tag my son with some mental disorder in just 15 ,20days ..I ve stoped sendng him in school right now coz it has been really mentally taxing for me..i dont know what to do i m at wits end....as i ve to stop his current behavior problem to send him to school again..i dont know what to do..please help ..........

  2. #2
    nicolejoy's Avatar
    nicolejoy is offline Registered User
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    I'm just wondering, have you noticed changes in his behaviour at home as well? Or is it just at school? It could possibly be a problem with the school itself - not saying it is a bad school, but it might not be right for him. Also he could be acting out due to his dad being away for a long time... That all said, I wouldn't completely resist getting an assessment done - a professional may be able to help you to determine whether there is something bigger going on, or whether it is normal preschooler acting out in response to circumstances at school or at home... Sorry I don't have better advice for you - but I do think just be open to exploring what the issues are... if there IS something bigger that is a problem, it is better to know sooner rather than later. All the best!

  3. #3
    aph22 is offline Registered User
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    dear nicolejoy
    thanks for your reply.
    my son is definitely missing his dad.he keeps on saying that "papa ll come "..whenever he watches some kid with their respective father he instantly notices it n says this is baby's daddy,and my daddy is working in....so in nut shell he is missing his dad..but no major behavior change in him at home.there ver times when kids ver around but he never showed any extra ordinary behavior unlikely of him in front of me..but the moment he enters the class he is a different person.
    i have got the assessment done,he seems a boy with high intelligence,,he doesn't have ADHD or Aspergers but he seems to be in stress n behavior problems r there which has to be deal with patience..he needs school with low student teacher ratio right now..
    i m not sending him school as i think the same as you but i m really afraid that what if i get him admitted in some school n the same things starts happening again..and if i put him in a special school where he can get the attention he needs but will he be able to come back a settel down in mainstream kindergarten later?
    i m really really confu

  4. #4
    charade is offline Registered User
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    I can't offer much by way of suggestions as my children are really young, but I find the school system so violent sometimes. It does seem like something has triggered your son's behaviour and the way they are dealing with it at school doesn't seem to be helping. Why must they insist he not wear diapers and take it upon themselves to shame him?

    Labelling children who show some behavioural problems also seems problematic to me, but this seems to be trend with schools these day. Then the problem is entirely your child's, I suppose. Though sometimes that's what schools need to offer more support - a label.

    You could seek professional help to deal with what might be a temporary behavioural issue. One would wish the school would be more supportive, but I guess that's too much to hope for.
    aph22 likes this.

  5. #5
    Colzers's Avatar
    Colzers is offline Registered User
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    I have a background in special education in the states and did much time with emotional issues with kids. I am not saying this is your son but here are some tips to try getting him on track. I would say of this is new and daddy is gone that is part of it. Get a small jar and some marbles. The teacher can do this at school or you at home. Explain to him that when he is on task and following rules or showing good behavior he gets to put a marble in the jar. If he is acting up he does not (never take out of the jar). When the jar is full he gets a reward. This can be anything you choose together. This seems to work with little ones because they see their progress.
    If he is showing stress and can't sit still in class try a stress ball in his desk so he can slip his hand in and squeeze to keep his hands from causing problems.or take a pool noodle and cut it so it is just big enough for his feet to go on and put under his desk. He can roll his feet on it when he is feeling like moving around when he should not.
    You could also try a sticker chart. When he has so many he is rewarded. ( icecream date with mommy or whatever works). I hope this helps. Good luck my now 10 year old had issues in kindergarten as well. Same things we ended up moving her school and the teacher made a big difference. If he is acting out there is a reason! Kids do these things as a call out. If the teacher is self labeling him as trouble he is going to sense this and it will get worse he needs a teacher that is patient calm and wants to work with you to fix an issue. Best of luck! Last thought, maybe have dad call him to talk to him about it explain he loves him and wants to come home soon and hear how good he is doing in school.

  6. #6
    diva@tearoom is offline Registered User
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    first of all, i disagree nowadays so popular to label all little one "metal disorder", and so give the pill just to make them quiet! this is totally not necessary!

    obviously, he has some issue with him, but he cannot express well, so yes, i will stop his school for some times if this help, and then if you can, take times for him....go to park, do anything else, but then find the right moment to talk.

    it will not solve so fast, its take times.

    whenever you see his misbehave, you pull him on the side, and gently ask him why he do that? why? tell him clearly this is wrong, and other do not like it.

  7. #7
    matemate is offline Registered User
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    great tips from colzers.

    i would also like to add that you should try to talk to him about his emotions - but only if you can od it in a non-blaming tone. there are great kids books out there which describe different type of emotions and let kids understand what is happening to themselves. i have seen great changes in our 3y old son when we talked about his emotions during the reading time before going to bed.

    my guess for your son is that he is seeking attention from his teachers. the fact that the teacher-kid ratio changed is one indication, but i also think that the wee'ing at this age is most often an attention-seeking mechanism. since your teachers seem not very experienced in dealing with such situations, i would consider changing schools or else talk to your son and make him understand that his teachers love him as much as before when there were only fewer kids.

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