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When does husband spend time with baby? Need advice

  1. #9
    Redestiny is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Sai Kung

    My husband works crazy hrs too and is often away on business.

    My baby is now 4.5 months and he definitely knows who his daddy is, even though he only really gets to see him at weekends. My husband fed him EBM one time at about 4wks old, but after realizing how much effort went into sterilizing and preparing the bottle he decided it was easier just to let me do breast feeding.

    Hubby carries bubs in a carrier when we go out and once LO gets older he will be able to do all the 'fun' stuff with dad, I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourselves in the beginning, just focus on yours and baby's needs and you'll do just fine.

    TrailingWife likes this.

  2. #10
    matemate is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Hong Kong

    your baby will know who the daddy is - almost regardless how often he sees the baby in reality. seems to be ingrained (same for the mother i my observation). so i would not worry about that

    i can imagine what your husband's schedule is (since i work in a similar environment). i would personally let slip the weekdays but try to insist on quality time on the weekends, i.e. work from home, insist on taking time off, etc

    usually bosses - even in his environment - are more understanding once you had kids. it's like a magic excuse since they probably had kids too once. not something that is spoken about as you don't want to let the non-kiddy guys know, but i think it's true in many cases.

    I am not sure at what level your hubby is but I have seen that more junior guys (analyst, associate, vps) tend to be a bit clueless on what hours you really have to put in to be seen in good light and where you can let slip. like anywhere it's not black and white.

    (btw i am assuming your hubby works in m&a, ecm, dcm at a major bank)

  3. #11
    lost is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2010

    I smiled reading your post cos that's exactly what we went through.

    Totally agree with Redestiny that trying to get him involved is actually more effort.... With those kind of hours, I can imagine your hubby's like mine - knocks out the minute his head touches the pillow. I can recall the many nights I waited for him to get up to diaper change/burp the baby cos he asked to do it but needed "2 more mins", and it wasn't long before I realized it was easier to do it myself than to wait for him to get to it. And I have to say he is very willing to help but we have to be realistic.

    The best we could do to beat these unpredictable schedules was to be spontaneous - play whenever he can; and set some "rules". He made a point to wake up earlier and would spend about 30 mins before work to play with baby; tried to keep weekends as "off-limits" from work as possible; he would be the one carrying her whenever we went out together; as she grew older (she's almost 3 now) we kept certain activities as things only he would do with her (something as basic as going on slides - she can play in the playground but slides was a "daddy-thing") etc. Nonetheless, just be prepared - she did go through a "no-daddy" phase but as the other postings pointed out, they do know. I think the phase was more of a "protest" of the "lack of time" they spent together. Just be natural, it's not easy but it'll be ok - echo Redestiny's advice to focus on you and baby's needs!

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