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Helper taking care of newborn

  1. #1
    Sss811 is offline Registered User
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    Helper taking care of newborn

    Hi ladies, I have a 6 week old and will need to return to work full time in 5 weeks. We recently hired our first helper and I am having difficulty 'letting go' and entrusting her with the baby. I am seeking advice from other FTMs and how you handled this transition. I am of course overprotective and looking for ways others trusted their helpers with newborns during the day. I laid out a lot of rules but am worried she won't follow them all the time. Thanks!

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    first you need to trust her... second you need to know that you will never be able to control the situation 100%.... then you need to know that you are not the first mother in the world who has left their baby and we all feel somewhat the same when it happens for the first time, so you are not alone at all in your feelings!

    i would suggest that you start going out for an hour or two at a time to start... then gradually increase the time slowly. and know this: you will miss your baby like crazy, and this, too, is perfectly normal.

    you could ask your helper to take photos of your baby and send them to you throughout the day?

    also, you need to remember not to sweat the small stuff, if you know what i mean.

    good luck and welcome to the club!

  3. #3
    AmandaT is offline Registered User
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    i have the same worries too.. moving over to hk sometime in Feb next year and starting work in April. my daughter's 4 months old next week. wondering if its a common practice to install cameras at home to watch the DH n your baby? i know i need to be able to trust but it's really not easy!

  4. #4
    Sss811 is offline Registered User
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    Hi Amanda, I am happy to say its been two months with a helper and I have come a long way with the trust issue. I just started leaving for a couple of hours at a time and built up to a half day away. Not comfortable doing more than that as my baby is just shy of four months as well, but it will be easier once she is older and on more of a schedule. Just find a helper you get along with. Most important thing is that she respects your rules for how to care for the baby. As for cameras, we have like five of them all over the apartment except for her room and bathrooms. She knows they are there... We can log on and watch what's going on from wherever (she doesn't know that part)! Good luck and pm me if you need any advice!

  5. #5
    AmandaT is offline Registered User
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    That's great to hear! Where did you get your helper from? My girl's going to be 6 months old when we move to HK in Feb and i'll be only starting work in April. Hopefully she will be much more manageable by then. Trust will be a huge issue as both my husband and I would be working so the helper's going to be with my girl most part of the day. We are trying to get a place that's within walking distance from work though so that we can save time on the commute and pop by home anytime.

    Also, I'm not sure how big our apartment's going to be yet (we're still looking but so far we do find HK houses to be rather small but pricey) but I so hope that we don't have to squeeze her with the helper in the same room.. I still can't get past the possessive mum part. What are your arrangements like? Does your baby sleep with the helper or are they in separate rooms?

  6. #6
    Sss811 is offline Registered User
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    Good luck with the apartment hunt! It's a big decision so I hope you find something close to the office. Our baby sleeps in our room in her crib and the helper has her own separate room. I won't be comfortable with the baby sleeping with the helper... Call it possessive mom, but I want to be there when she wakes in the night. Plus, I still feed her at 3 am so it's just easier! However, my helper did sleep with a newborn in her prior family so I think it's not uncommon because of the space constraints. I found mine on the asia expat domestic helper ads... Searched for ones with newborn experience and interviewed a bunch before settling. Best if luck with it all! If you are interested in having a play date once you move, let me know. Our girls are the same age!

  7. #7
    TNJ
    TNJ is offline Registered User
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    Hi sss811,

    I was exactly the same as you, I employed my helper when I was 4 months pregnant so I could have time to get to know her assuring I could trust her with my daughter.

    However, despite knowing her for 5+ months I felt the exact same way as you do. I didnt want to leave my precious new born with someone other than me!
    The way I got around this was leaving certain things that only (I) mum can do.. like breast feeding at home and then having her bottle feed while I'm out. I will NOT allow my helper to take my daughter out of the house alone, that is something me and hubby will do. I wont let her bath my daughter either.

    I know I sound like an over-protected nightmare! My helper is actually only alone with my daughter 3 days a week as I have monday off and my hub has wednesday off.. so we are lucky in that sense. If Im at home I do everything by myself... and leave the cooking and cleaning to her so I can enjoy quality time with my daughter.
    I also take the risk of paying rent so my helper can live out... as I like my privacy and she likes hers. I hardly ever ask my helper to stay over night.

    I hope this helps in some ways, I know its heart wrenching - the thought of going back to work. But it does get easier. My daughter is 15 weeks old now :)

    Good luck! PM me if you need any advice/someone to chat to x

  8. #8
    vmg12 is offline Registered User
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    Hey All,

    I guess we're all on the same page when leaving our little ones for the first time. I just got back to work this week and had the same worries. We have a daytime babysitter who takes care of our 2month old during the day when I'm at work. We have asked her to come in previously when me and the hubby went on movie dates, just went out for a walk or whatever, just to kind of give her a "test run". We've also installed cameras at home and she knows about them. Not to make her think we don't trust her, we told her it is so we can check in on the baby whenever we miss her. And because the cameras we've installed have speakers, we also told her it's so that the baby can hear our voice. I'm thinking because she knows we could be watching her anytime, she won't do any harm to the baby...hopefully! So far, so good.

    Hope this helped!

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