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Upset that toddler is too close to our helper

  1. #1
    EvelynBoo is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Pok Fu Lam

    Upset that toddler is too close to our helper

    Dear Parents,
    I really would like some helpful advice on how to best deal with this. My toddler (20 months) is very attached to our helper (which is great really) but I get upset when he wants to play with her instead of me when we are both home and he asks for her when I am with him (and helper is elsewhere in the apartment).
    I have a lovely relationship with my child and I look after him 70 per cent or the time. I work part-time and then my helper takes care of him. She is good with him and I am happy that he is happy BUT I can't help getting upset when he chooses her over me or husband. What can I do to help deal with this or help him to understand that he's with me now when I play with him ... I haven't spoken to my helper about it and don't know what I would say (I don't want her to feel she's doing anything wrong; but could at times step back a bit or leave the room when she knows I want to have him to myself). I am starting to feel less important to him and it is upsetting me a lot.
    Thanks for all supportive comments in advance.

  2. #2
    Beck128 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Hi Evelyn

    That is such a brave post and so completely normal to feel like that. I have an 18 month old who also adores our helper and I too went through feeling envious when Rosie chose our helper over me.

    How I personally handle it is that I try not to impose my adult interpretation of the situation on what is happening, when really these are just stories I am making up from my ego. Like "Rosie loves our helper more than me" or "I must be less fun to play with" or "Rosie needs to know I'm her mother". They are all just stories that I was making up. Babies live in the moment and don't analyse situations like we do. The situation is no way an indicator of your relationship with your child or an indication of how he feels about you.

    So now I see it for what it is, I don't take it personally and I see that Rosie is exercising her independence and choice. Amazing for an 18 month old.

    In practical terms if I want to spend uninterrupted time with Rosie I do an activity I know she loves (play doh, tea parties) or I take her out somewhere just the two of us.

    It's a tough gig sharing parenting, but also the benefits of having help are incredible.

    Hope this helps.

    With love


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  3. #3
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Sai Kung
    Just try to remember that children don't ration love. They are perfectly capable of loving more than just their parents and if they do, it does not diminish their love for you!

    Just like if you have more than one child.... you don't love your first child less because you now have to love your second one, too..... you have room in your heart to love them both! and your first one is loved just as much after you have your second as before.

    it is normal how you are feeling. but just try to remind yourself that you are his mother and you will always be his mother. wanting to play with the helper does not take that away from you.

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