toddler's tantrums due to working mom

[gani&cito]

hi,

id like to ask other working moms on how they handle thier crying toddlers when they leave for office. my 2-year old son cries so hard and oftentimes in a badmood the whole day. i am so worried it could traumatize him....

[carang]

my son is 16 months old... our routine is he helps mummy put on her shoes.

i ask him for a hug and ****, then i say, "mummy's going to work now, bye bye"

he always waves good-bye to me and continues playing.

i don't make a big deal out of it and it is a routine. he doesn't make a big deal out of it either.

how do YOU handle it? are you a nervous wreck, not wanting to leave?
do you give in to his tantrums and stay longer....

maybe you could get him to help you get ready... talk him through it... first mummy has to do this.... ohoh mummy has to go in 5 minutes.... now mummy has to do this... ohoh mummy has to go in 3 minutes...etc. get him to help as much as possible...maybe getting out your shoes, putting your lunch into the bag, making sure mummy has her book to read... packing your telephone in the purse...


you could also start calling when you get into the taxi and then you can ask..."what are you doing now that mummy's gone?"
you could get your helper to plan a distraction as you are leaving... oh look auntie has playdough for you to play with.... "what can you make? mummy will call you in a few minutes to see what you made!"

[loupou]

I would always try to act cheerful and **** the kids good-bye. Ignore all tantrums.

However, I also found that my kids often prefered to be the ones to leave me. So, sometimes my helper would take them out for a walk or a play and I would meet them out there and say "Mama's going to work now" and we would ****, or else they would see me onto the bus and wave.

I also started them in nursery school (morning sessions) at 2. My daughter was exactly 2, my son was 2 1/2. I would then take them to the school bus (tears on bus for first week or so) and then go to my bus.

Are you sure your son is in a "bad mood all day"? Sometimes kids will act angry and upset when mama leaves, but then 5 minutes later will play happily and be content.

Who looks after your son when you are at work?

[barbwong_130]

When my daughter was little she hated me leaving to go to work too. The solution that worked for us was having the babysitter take her out first. So she was leaving me rather than me leaving her.

Often my husband would take her to the park – so leaving me was easy to go with him. Then the babysitter would be in the park waiting for them so leaving him was easier because she has the equipment to play on.

The worked great unless it was raining.

Best wishes,
Barb

[gani&cito]

thanks for your suggestions, i guess carang was right, its hard to admit it but, i'm actually at fault in giving in to my son's tantrums. just this am, i realized that he knows how to psychologize me...and in effect controls me. coz he knows that i can not stand seeing him beg that i would not leave for work...previously his babysitter would bring him outside but the problem with him is his patience. its so easy for him to get bored on activities. hopefully, everything will be okey soon.....

[Kiwi Family]

Hi Gani&cito

Hows leaving for work going? Has it got any better?

If you are still having the challenge, I learnt that when I encourage my little man to help me get ready for work he feels more involved and gradually relaxed more when I was leaving. He gets my keys etc and talks about me working and we practice waving goodbye (to everything including toys that we are not buying in shops ) and the separation seems to come more naturally.
Good luck

[JennyB]

great suggestions above - my daughter eventually loved our "goodbye ritual" so much, I actually got the impression she was glad I was going out!!!

[Kiwi Family]

Hi Jenny

Yes, I totally agree, now I am the one with separation anxiety (lol) as he happily waves "Bye Bye Mama, Mama go to work, Bye Bye, Tatty Bye" and then excitedly runs around the round.
Aren't kids great!