Extreamly shy toddler

[Neha]

ESF Kindergarten doesnt have any interviews. Dont know about other International schools

[happyflipper]

Hi

My son is also very scared of strangers and last weekend he cried because his grandparents came from overseas for a visit and stayed with us. He has seen them only a few times before the last time 3 mths ago.

Kondrad mom - which playgroup do you bring your boy to to help with shyness and slow speech.

My son is intelligent as I can see that he picks up instructions on puzzles quite fast but just does not want to say and only screams or shout or pull hands to the item.

Any parents with similar kids and found a way to help them to talk faster? I think my son is gettng quite frustrated that he cant say what he wants so really want to help him .

Thanks

[arleneli]

Happyflipper, how old is your boy?? Some children shows their ability in speech later than others but that doesnt mean that he is not smart. I think you need to encourage him more, and bring him out more to see strangers to overcome his shyness. My daughter used to scream when she saw strangers. I took her out a lot (well I 'm a stay at home mum) and spent a lot on different toddler courses just to make her get use to different enviromment and meet different ppl. It may sound crazy but it worked for her. :)

[yonge]

For my elder son's interviews, we just told him that we were going to meet some nice people at a school - my husband and I are quite social and take him with us wherever we go, so he's used to meeting people of different ages. We gave him a heads up about one week before that these people wanted to get to know him better in a friendly way and reminded him throughout the week. We reminded him about good manners: remembering to ask about the other person, etc. However, we didn't want him to have any performance anxiety at all. I don't think he realized he was going to an interview and just had fun. We know it usually takes him a while to warm up, so we chatted about things that he likes for about an hour before he went in.

With family, especially grandparents, I think it's actually so much harder. You know that the grandparents have been looking forward to seeing them so much, but your child is signalling that he isn't ready with them. I mentioned that my elder son takes a while to warm up and this has definitely been tough on my in-laws. We prepare him for about a week before the visit, reminding him that he has had fun with them before. We also take the time to remind the grandparents that the child is reserved, but WILL warm up to them and to please be patient. Still, my in-laws' personalities are a bit larger than life and he will try to hide behind one of us when they are reintroduced. We try to speak reassuringly to both at the same time and conduct a conversation to bring them all together. The pressure to please our parents can be tough, though. One time, my husband, reacting to his parents' visible disappointment at our son's reticence, said something to the effect of, "If you don't go to grandpa/grandma, I will punish you." Believe me, it did not help that particular visit at all. Afterwards, I had to explain to my husband that he needs to remember that our child was scared and that he appeared to be choosing his parents over our son. My husband felt really bad about that and apologized, more importantly, to our son. I think that at this young age, our children needs to know that whatever may happen, we are on their side. This phase lasts only a very short while, compared to the length of the relationship that they will have over the course of their lives. Now that he's old enough to remember his grandparents fondly, he happily greets them on the phone or in person.

Saying that, we have to recognize that some people (including my in-laws) are just not the most baby-centered people in the world. While we do try to manage their expectations, we don't hold much hope of ever being able to change them to be sufficiently friendly to babies. Thankfully, our children will grow! :) My elder didn't say a word until after he turned 2. We taught him a few words to sign, so that he could communicate without before then - thank you, please, more and sorry. We just picked the info up from a book - not a course. In the meantime, just try to enjoy them as they are - they grow so fast! Resist the temptation to compare your child or use any labels on him, such as "shy" - he'll pick up your exasperation and his failure to meet your expectations from your tone of voice. My godsister-in-law thought such labels were the equivalent of "cursing" your children, because it gave them a negative target as opposed to a positive one. Relax and smile! Our children are more likely to be at ease if we can be at ease with them!

[Babington]

Well put Yonge!

You could also try to invite some of your boy's friends over your home for a play time.

The home environment might make him feel more safe and allow him to socialise more. Once he feels comfortable with this, you can try taking him to his friends for a play time and then may be a picnic with his friends or some other out door activity.

Most likely, your child will grow out of it. When they grow up, I would definitely suggest encouraging your son in team sports as they are great in building character and socialising skills.

Babington