Potty Training

[JoTs]

Wondered if I could ask for some advice. My son turns 2 next week and I wasn't going to even think about potty training until he was 2.5, but recently my chinese in-laws have been giving me lots of pressure to start (I am English).

And now I am due No2 in April when my son will be 2.5, so am thinking I wont potty train until the baby is 3 months old. My son is no-where near ready at the moment, doesn't have a clue about weeing or pooing!

I was happy with this, but all the pressure from my in-laws is making me doubt myself... is it ok to wait until he is much older?

Thanks

Jo

[Lizabeth]

The only person that knows when to start potty training is your son. You are absolutely right about it not being ideal to potty train at a time when there is big change. We moved from the US to here a week after my sons 2nd birthday. His doctor told me to not even think about potty training until we get settled and a new routine established here. Before we moved I would just talk a lot about using the potty, but never ask him to try. I would ask him if he could find the potty and he would run into the bathroom and point to the toilet (it was a game). I would tell him that the potty is where his pee-pee and poo-poo (sorry, hehe) would go when he is ready. And we watched Elmo's Potty Time DVD all day, everyday and read potty books. When we moved here I never pushed him, because we were only here for a few weeks. Then he walked up to me and said, "oh no, mommy, pee-pee potty." I knew he was ready because I listen to him.

With big events (new baby) I think it is best until they are settled, but don't under-estimate your son's ability to adjust to change because they can sure surprise you (like mine did)! My situation worked well for me. I knew there was going to be a big event (moving) so all I did was talk a lot about the potty to educate him and try to make it really fun. Then I let him tell me when he was ready. If your son is 3 years old when he is ready, then so what. There is a lot happening in your household. I know what you mean with the pressure from your in-laws, but that wouldn't convince your son to start potty training and he is the one with the final say. I have had friends who pushed potty training before their child showed signs of being ready and it is traumatic!

To sum up, you know best. The "potty talk" is a great way introduce potty training without actually starting (which might satisfy your in-laws) then wait for your son's cues to tell you when to start. This is just my suggestion from my personal situation. Every situation is different, so I hope it might of helped, if even a little bit. Good luck!!

[carang]

we were never shy with our 2yr8month about what we were doing. from about 18 months, he wanted to flush the toilet for us. he'd say..."bye, bye poop" and wave to it as it went down.

from that point we bought him a potty. it took him quite a while to realise that it wasn't just for sitting on. that you were expected to do something on it...anyway, he got the peeing much faster than the pooping. it was almost like he was afraid to do it. but he got to the point that he wanted privacy when pooping and he didn't like to have his dirty nappies changed. i just explained that if he didn't like having a dirty nappy, then he had to use the potty or hte toilet.

he was almost completely toilet trained by 2. THEN his sister was born. we kind of gave up on the whole toilet thing for a while, then by the time she was 3 months or so, we started again. it took about a month for him to get back into the swing of things.

now he's again completely trained. he still wears a nappy a lot of the time. this is because we live an hour out of town and it's just too darn hard pull the car over and find a place for him to go, not to mention the sorry state of most public toilets in HK. he ALWAYS tells us that he has to go and waits for permission to use his nappy...

but if your son is not giving you any clues that he's interested, why force it? if he was 5, then i might suggest you get a move on...but he's still little. ignore the in-laws! (i can totally relate. i'm canadian, married to a local!)

[joannek]

agree, ignore the in-laws. chinese people have a history of potty training their newborns. so any child who's older than 6mths & not potty trained is considered as "weird"!! (ok, maybe i'm a bit exaggerating, but that's the general idea).

my daughter is 2 yr 8mths (same as carang's), i started introducing her to the potty when she was 18mths. she knows she has to go & how & all that. she just won't go! there was a time when she'd tell us "potty" & made it,, but it only lasted a week. then she regressed. now she'd only use the potty when she's at school, cos they have potty time & 3 out of the 5 girl classmates she has are potty trained. so she manages to pull down her nappy & wee in the potty. but she just won't go anywhere-else. what can we do? she even says "i only go to the potty at highgate." when i ask her to potty anywhere else. can't force her to sit on the potty when she doesn't want to. have tried star charts, reward trips to toys stores/disneyland. it all only worked for a week.

mind you, i'm chinese & both my in-laws & my parents have pressurised me in potty training my daughter since she was 1 yr old. esp that my nephew is 3 mths older than my daughter & was potty trained since 2yrs old! he's even free of night nappies now. so imagine how much pressure i'm under. it really did bother me in the beginning how they always make it such a big deal how she's still in nappies. i just turn a deaf ear & now they leave us alone.

when your in-laws say anything again, just nod & say "yeah yeah, we're in the process". no one knows how long that process is gonna take. rest assured that every child is different & every mom is different.

good luck!

[Sleuth]

Agree with Joannek, the Chinese are a little early with this.
We started the potty training at about 15 or 16 months (now 17 months old). Bought the books and the potty. Our son knows what the potty is for, he just always heads there after the fact. He sees it as more of a disposal system for diaper waste right now.
The only thing about waiting until 2+ (and this is from books/doctors, not personal experience) is some kids get a little difficult at that age. At younger ages they still want to please their parents, so training is easier. We'll see.