Baby frightened of daddy

[elephantine]

Oh gosh - I feel badly for you and your baby. It is awful that your husband has started hitting your baby. Frankly, I think this is abusive behavior and you must protect your baby by getting your husband to stop it immediately and encouraging him to build loving bonds. If you don't stand up for your son, it is unlikely that anyone else will. I understand that your husband may be stressed about work or just have a stressed personality generally - which would explain why your poor baby doesn't like to be with him. However, stress is no excuse for hitting anyone - your husband should be accountable for his own conduct. If he doesn't listen to your advice, you could get family members to talk to him or even try to get professional help from a counsellor. I wish your family all the best!

[MLBW]

Jean,

I have PMed you. For anyone else who is dealing with a family violence situation, here are a couple of links:

http://www.harmonyhousehk.org/eng/co...tactus_eng.htm

http://www.msubillings.edu/BusinessF.../Leonard/dsvs/

[jeanyeeli]

Thanks for all your advices

[MLBW]

Here is another good link:

Behind Closed Doors, The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children (UNICEF)
http://www.violencestudy.org/a504

And here you can plant a virtual daisy in support of ending violence in the home:

http://www.stopdomesticviolencenow.com/stop.html

[carang]

DO NOT hit a baby!!! That is child abuse, especially if the child is only little and the ONLY method of communication is CRYING!!!

many children go through spells like this... sometimes only wanting mummy, sometimes only daddy, sometimes only helper....it's NORMAL!!!

tell hubby not to get frustrated by it! HITTING will not stop the behaviour, it will only hurt your child! HITTING will not stop the behaviour, it will only cause your child to be afraid of your husband! HITTING will not stop the behaviour, it will only cause your child to feel MORE insecure!

PLEASE DO NOT HIT A BABY!!!!

[wanfamily]

Jean,
You are obviously going through a tough time, but your number one priority MUST be to protect your baby. Hitting or any other form of violence against a baby is abuse and I'm not just talking morally here. It's a scientific fact that your baby is incapable of understanding what is going on and is just learning fear. It will have grave negative effects on him if it continues. A crying baby can fray on the nerves of the calmest person there is never any excuse for taking it out on the baby.
You've taken the first step by posting on the forum and have been given some sound advice and links. PLEASE PLEASE act on it.

[aussiegal]

I'm not surprised your baby doesn't like his father if he resorts to hitting him. That's absolutely appalling and if he's doing it at 4 months what will he do when the baby is older?

I'm positively outraged and speechless. Babies are very clever. Even if this was the first time that your husband hit the baby it is highly likely that your baby knows what sort of man your husband is (bad-tempered and violent) and has responded accordingly.

This is really sad. I hope you are strong enough to deal with your husband for your baby's sake. Your baby will never grow to love him if this is how he is treated at 4 months of age.

[clowe77]

Hi Jean - Honestly, your post sent shivers down my spine. I am not judging you or anyone else, but I need to reiterate what has been said already by others here: You are the mother and you really have a responsibility to protect your child against in this case someone who happens to be his father. I am no expert but I know for a fact that hitting a 4month old (or any infant/child for that matter) will only have long-lasting hugely damaging effects and create an insecure, unstable child growing up. ESPECIALLY when the child is so young and not capable of understanding at all WHY he is being hit. As for your original question - how do you stop your child from crying when dad tries to hold him, well goodness, one crucial first step would be to make sure dad doesn't HIT him anymore!!! I guarantee you that if he continues to abuse his infant, this child will never ever take well to him (and who could blame him). Babies are ultra-sensitive. They can sense stress and that can cause them to not want to be with a person. If they are HIT by the same person, well, imagine how scared they would be whenever they sense that person approaching. Please take action and do not stand idly by. Your son needs you. You are his mother. Best of luck - my thoughts are with you.