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Hopeless, still holding my son to sleep at 14 months

  1. #17
    aussie mum is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2007

    i personally know of a 7yr old girl who still needs her mum to lie with her and hold her to get to sleep - so i agree with AndreaY - I'm not sure all kids do learn to go to sleep themselves if they are not encouraged to!

  2. #18
    AussieMum is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Hi Ladies, I am a little lucky where my daughter has been a good sleeper, however we did end up in a 5 night Sleep School in Australia when she was 7 months (for other minor issues) and I witnessed many parents with children upto 12 months of age trying to battle putting their child to sleep without using a settling technique. It is hard, and my heart sank sitting with the parents going through this, you really need to be ready for it and have the energy to persist. Basically though, I tend to agree with some of Southside852 comments that CIO can be adjusted to suit your needs. It doesn't necessarily mean you just leave them to cry non stop. You can use various techniques to suit your needs.
    If you are looking for a resolution, I would recommend two avenues -
    1) One book which I found a lot of strength through in training my daughter to sleep was 'save our sleep' by Tizzie Hall. This also addressed settling techniques. Although I purchased this in Australia, she does have a website which might help (you might also be able to order her book via this):
    2) Annerley do have a sleep clinic which you may benefit from. I have not personally attended but have heard good reports about them.
    Good luck, I know it can be extremely hard and have it's challenges.

  3. #19
    AndreaY is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Hong kong

    Think the post was whether children can learn to fall asleep by themselves, this includes going to bed as well as waking up during light sleep in the middle of the night and not knowing how to fall back to sleep by themselves. I was not talking about having a nightmare, waking up looking for mommy and daddy, but children waking up at either of light sleep or out of habit and not knowing how to go back to sleep by themselves.

    FennHo, I know you have posted many times that you cannot bear to have your child CIO. My post was not a criticism for those not letting children CIO or sleep train them in other ways. On the same token, I try not to see what you have said about CIO meaning mommies who have done so are heartless cos they can bear to hear their children cry.

    I was merely pointing that that not all children iron out their sleep problems by themselves and if one does see it as a problem, it would be better to do something about it earlier rather than later.

    If giving 100% of your time to your baby makes you happy, then fantastic. But for a selfish mother like me, who would like to either have a little time to herself or to spend an evening with her husband, it's very important to manage one's child's sleep habits.

  4. #20
    fennho's Avatar
    fennho is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Kowloon Station (West)

    What's with the SUPER defensive mode, negative note AND SARCASM? I was merely cheering adahc on and giving encouraging comments. U popped by to say u know of a 4yr old who still goes to parent's bed in the middle of the nite. There wasnt any full story, so i reckon this 4yr old MIGHT be going to parents bed for comfort.

    And since WHEN have i mentioned that CIO mommies are heartless?????? I dont think i have EVER insinuated that, unless YOU are too sensitive and read too much into it? Becos u said u TRY not to see what i have said as a sign of that!

    Is it wrong of me to say i'm not into CIO??? Does that offend u so much that u need to TRACK my postings, so much so, u can tell i have posted MANY times that i cannot bear to do CIO? Goodness Andrea.

    And please, it's really not necessary for u to be sarcastic and say u're a selfish mother who wants a little time to herself or to spend an evening with your husband. ALL mommies love their babies. BUT every baby is different! Didnt i say that i too felt resentful at one point but becos my baby was a colicky, refluxy, high need baby, i just took the advice of some well meaning mommies to change my mindset! So, i'm also MERELY passing on the advices, gosh, i didnt know i'd get flamed for that!

  5. #21
    freddiebiscuit is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Tai Po

    adahc, you are not alone! My daughter is 13 months old and I still nurse her to sleep for naps and bed time. She cosleeps with us, so she also wakes up during the night for a comfort suck. She is a happy, active little girl during the day and we nap together so I can also get some rest!

    If YOU feel that you want or need to change how you put your baby to sleep, then it is time for a change. Don't let the criticism of others in your life make such an important decision for you. I often refer to for advice.

    If YOU want to continue walking your son to sleep each night and feel you need some support, please pm me. It's just nice to touch base with others to know you are not alone.

    Take care of yourself.


  6. #22
    geomum is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Hong Kong

    Adhac, do you have a helper? Or any family/ close friends living in HK? Perhaps if your son will spend more time with other people regularly he will begin to trust them and be comfortable with them alone anytime of the day. Be there next to him for the first few times and slowly increase distance over a few days.
    Having said that many kids only want mommy before sleeping. But give it a try, even ask your husband to spend quality time with your son in the morning/ evening and on weekends. Perhaps ask your husband to make your son nap during daytime, while you rest or go for a relaxing walk etc etc.

  7. #23
    AndreaY is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Hong kong
    Quote Originally Posted by fennho View Post
    We are talking about going to sleep by themselves, not sleeping thru the night, it IS VERY normal for a 4yr old kid to wakeup in the middle of the night to look for parents. 4yr is still very young!
    Sorry if you thought I was defensive, but I do note that that particular message was meant just for me. The capital "VERY" just sounded to me that you assumed that I was unreasonable/uninformed on the subject. As I was not asked about further facts (ie was she having nightmares? etc), it just seemed to me that you weren't particularly interested to know and have made up your mind already. Obviously if I was wrong, I apologise.

    As for "tracking" your posts, I don't need to nor want to, I have been participating in this forum for a while and it can't be surprising that I read the posts, so I remember members' comments, especially those who write often. I do have better use of my time than to stalk you!

    Anyway, to get back to point, I felt Adahc was not happy about the situation she was in and was just offering my piece of advice. I was just speaking from what I learnt from my children. I had a great need to sleep train my older one, not because I needed to go out, but cos sitting on the floor 4-5 months pregnant patting her to sleep for 45 mins at a time was beginning not to be an option.

    I know lots of parents have the same problems, I did. Looking back now, I feel it was the best thing I did for my children and myself, not that I felt so during the training. If parents are happy with the arrangement they have, then I think it's great, but if they are not like Adahc, it's better to find ways to improve it sooner rather than later, cos a lot of times, the longer children to get accustomed to something, the harder it is to change it.

    Also sometimes when something seems harsh and unacceptable may turn out to be fine. CIO is definitely not for everyone, you should have seen my husband, could almost hear his heart crack, I just want to say that it's also not something so horrendous that you rule it out completely. I asked him last night and he said that seeing how both our daughters sleep so well, it was worth it. Just my 2 cents.

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