Sudden burst of temper & bossy towards adults

[carang]

if he doesn't choose one, then i choose for him. i tell him that i will count to 10, if he doesn't choose, then i do it.

i agree, if they know that they will lose their choice, they very quickly choose what they want.

[carang]

and if he still kicks up a fuss, then it is a time-out.

[spockey]

We're using 'time out' but right now, it involves a 30-45 minute scream fest about how it's so unfair or how he doesn't want time out. Wondering if I should persist with this method as it can get very noisy!??

[carang]

persistance is the only thing that works.

my kids know that i don't start their time until they stop screaming. they learn VERY quickly to stop.

when we are at home, they have their time-outs on their bed in their bedroom. i do that because they really only use their room for sleeping as we have a playroom that has all of hte toys.

even my two year old now sits on her bed. she occasionally gets off and i just take her back and put her down on it. i reiterate that her time will now start over again and that the fastest way to get back to having fun is to be quiet, think about what they did to end up where they are and when the time is up, apologise.

[meaganelizabeth]

Thanks for the advices. I will try giving the 2 options and also being patient. I have tried time outs before but since she is an only child and is very good amusing herself, and not even afraid of the dark, I gave that up when she was 2 1/2.

One month before my child turned 3, I told her that by 3 years old, we had to change some things - no more diapers, no more feeding bottle, etc. I also told her that we would start spanking on the hand for misbehaving. The diapers we did and do not have any problem. The bottle we are still trying to take away. We haven't really done the spanking.

Today, after her fits in the supermarket, my husband and I agreed to talk to her seriously when we got home. We took out a small wooden ruler and we showed her that we will start spanking for behaviors which are not nice. We clearly told her that this wooden ruler can only be used by daddy and mommy, no one else, not her, not her nanny. She seemed to be listening very intently and she said she understood. During dinner, she also showed her nanny the wooden ruler.
I hope she gets the message this time. Will keep you guys posted.

[carang]

i would NOT go for a wooden ruler. that is not my style at all.

the idea of time out is NOT for the child to be afraid. i would NEVER leave her in a darkened room or closet by herself. the idea is that they are removed from the action. they are given time to consider their behaviour. of course, at 3 years of age, there is only so much "consideration" that she will accomplish. a time out should ONLY be one minute for each year of age.

i would HIGHLY recommend finding a book SUPERNANNY. or trying to watch the programme on TV or download it to see it. we follow her advice almost to the letter.

good luck! we each do the best that we can.

[babymommy2]

I think it is partly the want of independance, like in the example about holding hands. For us there are places they don't have to hold hands when walking, but if crowded it is not an option, and if they pull away I hold even tighter. For my younger one I would just pick hjim up and carry him, which he doesn't want, so he gts the choice of carry or hold hands.

Sometimes I think the rudeness in little kids is from not having the vocabulary or the skill to know how to get your point across in a polite way. When you think about english and how things are phrased, things are not said directly, especially neagtive things. Little kids say things directly, they just don't have that skill yet. So they will say "don't sit there, thats may chair" instead of, "Excuse me please, I was sitting in that chair". When my kids say something rude I make them repeat the sentance in a polite manner. At first I have to tell them what to say, but after repeating it over and over and over they get it. My 5 year old can rephrase his own words politely now when he is rude, but my three year old I have to remind him what to say.

[carang]

or "Give me that!" instead of "Mummy, may I please have that?" (my older one ...4yrs... does know how to say the second, but he forgets sometimes. i just say, "i'm sorry, that is not a very nice way to ask. try again." and he ALWAYS gets it right.

after considering the OP's problem, i think that some if it might come down to lack of consistency from parents. ie. telling the little girl that x,y & z will happen and then it doesn't. if you say something you have to mean it and your little one needs to KNOW that you mean it. you cannot threaten something without following through. you cannot give in to tantrums. if you do, you've lost. your little one will know that all she has to do is scream for long enough and she'll get what she wants. it is a battle of wills. you need to remember that YOU are the parent and therefore you are in control (or should be). it is ok to allow her some degree of autonomy as she gets older, but it still needs to be your decision. by saying, "you can do this or this. you choose." it appears that you are giving control to her, but in actual fact it is YOU who is choosing the options. it's not like you are saying she can have anything she wants (think... ice cream for dinner). you are saying that she must eat her peas or her carrots. which one is her decision. however, if she finishes one of them, THEN she can have a little ice cream.