Sudden burst of temper & bossy towards adults

[meaganelizabeth]

I have a 3-year old daughter. She is generally pleasing but has a tendency to be bossy towards adults including her teachers. For example, once her teacher sat in her chair and she told her sternly "Don't sit there, that's my chair." She also screamed at her grandmother once -- "Don't hold my hand. I can walk by myself."

We correct her all the time but it seems it's not getting through to her. Should we start being more stern or even start to spank if she talks disrespectfully especially to adults?

Any advise would be much appreciated.

[carang]

every parent deals with this differently. but most children go through a stage similar to this. they are learning to assert their independence.

it takes a lot of patience and constant correction but eventually they learn.

if my son is very rude, we give him a warning and if it doesn't improve, then he gets a time out.

[mumbloxy]

patience, patience, and patience. My 2.5yr old has been doing it for some time now. It's pretty useless to just tell him sternly why he can't do this & that. This is the "normal" way of disciplining as we adults know it, but it seems they just don't get it & in fact, made him even more frustrated.

They see us doing everything ourselves & just don't understand why they can't do it. As Cara says, it's their way of asserting their new found independence (afterall, they have been bossed around by us for their whole little lives). Let her do things on her own, (barring dangerous acts) even if she makes a mess, let her choose her clothes, shoes, cutlery, etc. Let her feel like she has some control over her life. Then at the same time explain to her(over & over again) why she can't scream or throw tantrums to get what she wants. It does get better, gd luck.

[carang]

if i find my son having a hard time, i offer him a choice of two things:

1) you can turn down the tv because it is too loud

or

2) i can turn it off for you

funny.... when given the choice of two options, he always chooses the one i want him to. he still feels like he has a choice and i get what i want out of it.

just last night i was talking to my mum who told me that at dinner with my nephews, one of them was confronted by something on the table that he didn't like, so he said, "ok mum.... what are my options?" and when he was given two options, he chose which one he wanted. there was no drama of any kind, he just wanted to know where he stood.

[spockey]

I'm so glad that you've brought this up. Our son is doing exactly the same.

Cara, what do you do if he doesn't pick either? I'm facing that problem with my 3year old! I've given him options but there's been too many times he's not inclined to pick either.

[joannek]

being there, done that, not working. she chooses own own clothes (so she wears the same thing everyday), shoes, dvds. when she misbehaves, we explain in a kindly voice, then in a stern voice, then naughty corner. still, yesterday, she was in the naughty corner 3 times for the same act - pinching the helper, then my husband, then me at different times of the day, because we were trying to get her to go wash her face & brush her teeth in the morning & go to bath at bedtime & finish with her bedtime story to go to bed. Mind you, she has a good routine since she was 2 mths old. so she knows what to expect & what next.

and she's 4.

one thing different is, i just had a baby who's 8 weeks old. maybe that's why.....

[AndreaY]

I do the "take your pick between the 2" thing too and normally it works. If my daughter refuses to, I just tell her that in that case, Mummy will pick for her. That normally kick starts her "No No, I will pick".

[Buckeroo]

Same as AndreaY. Our 4yo gets options, but on occasions when he's being headstrong and unreasonable, it's off to the Quiet Corner.