My 21months old boy hits!

[lisa88]

i am still struggling with my toddler's behaviour. She started off hitting kids smaller than she (19 mths), especially girls. She now hits/pulls hair/bites of kids older and younger than she, boys and girls alike. She does not attack older children though (eg primary school age). Her hitting/biting etc happens about 50% of the time and we have to watch her like a hawk each time we take her to a playroom or out visiting. We have tried positive reinforcements, warnings, teaching her to apologize, shake hands, removing her from the room, taking her home, etc with varying success. It seems like she is really territorial and she wants to express this feeling when she is around other kids. She refuses to apologize and shows no remorse for hurting the other kid, who may be a friend or a stranger. I don't want to isolate her from other kids as I think it is important that she learns manners. However I am postponing sending her to playgroup classes for a couple of months to see whether her behaviour will improve. Temperamentally she is quite tomboyish, confident and fearless. Any child who tries to steal her toys/food or attacks her inevitably ends up in tears, regardless of age or size! She is learning to talk, and I try to teach her more vocabulary so that she can express herself. However this does not completely solve the hitting/biting/attacking problem.

[lesliefu]

you know I would actually put your toddler into playgroup so that she can get learn by watching how other children of her age act / talk...you might find it surprising that in a "neutral" area her negative behavior will stop and she will learn other forms of self expression. also, it might be easier to see what things "work" for other kids of similar age groups in a naturalistic setting...good luck! my daughter had 2 months of hitting too around about the same age and now at 25mts she's just saying "no" to everything...