Potty training advice

[Matty]

I'm potty training my almost 3 yr old and need some advice.
He's always been a reluctant potty user, and we stopped and started a few times before.
This time we thought we had suceeded. He had been using the potty for a couple of weeks with no problems and rarely an accident.
This week he refuses to use it at all and is contantly wetting his pants.
The funny thing is when he is at play group for 3 hrs, he uses the potty and doesn't have an accident.
I've tried all the usual bribery including the always sucessful M&M's, but nothing works anymore.

I'm losing my patience, any advice?

[aussie mum]

well you know he can (and does still!) do it so don't give up. have you tried making no big deal when he does wet his pants. just quickly change them...still...smiling then go about whatever you were all doing?
sorry i don't have better advice

good luck!

[Matty]

I don't make a big deal of it, just talk about putting some 'dry' pants on.
You'd be proud of my calm attitude and smiling face!

We have a must try to use the potty before going out rule, but you should have seen him today, he went hysterical, like I was trying to drag him to it by his hair!
I'd merely suggested in a gentle voice that he use it. He didn't use it.
He went to helper playgroup, where of course he didn't wet a single pair of pants, and used the potty twice!
I just don't get why he thinks it's ok to wee on the floor at home, he thinks it's funny, yet when we are out, no matter which one of us is with him he uses the potty.
The potty seats he uses when we are out are the same as the ones at home.

I've tried reminding him, or going for a day without mentioning it, and seeing if that's better, but either way it's complete refusal.
We've done star charts, chocolate bribes, loads of hugs and excitement but none of it works anymore.

I can't give up now, he either uses the potty or spends the rest of his life wetting his pants.

Surely someone out there has some advice that I haven't thought of?

[carang]

how old is he? almost 3? what about make him clean it up? may be harsh, but might work....

what about threatening (then following through) that if he wets his pants, then he can't go out? again, may be harsh, but might work...

my girl is 2y5m and shows a little interest in it. she knows what she's supposed to do, but just can't be bothered. i must say, i've not made a big deal out of it yet... haven't really given it much thought. i'm working too much and my helper doesn't seem to have much inclination to try... maybe i'll give it a go in september...as a matter of fact, she will happily go and get a clean nappy and the box of wet ones and bring them to me to tell me she's done a "chow-chow" (poop)

funny, my son trained himself almost, by 22 months....

[Matty]

I was a nanny for 7 years, and I've also seen children that 'train themselves' and some that required a bit more help.
I've never come across a child like mine, everything has been a challenge since the day he was born, not just PT.
My other son is a breeze with everything and I wouldn't be surprised if he's fully trained by 2.
None of that helps me right now.

I do make him clean it up, which he doesn't seem to mind.

The problem with threatening him with not going out if he wets his pants, is that he's wet his pants many times, hours before going out, so it doesn't work.

The threat of not going out unless he uses the potty before we go sometimes works, but generally makes us late by the time we're done.

He starts nursery in 5 weeks , and it's a local school. I'm worried that if it isn't sorted out before then, and he wets his pants a few times he could totally regress.
And I have no idea how the teachers are going to respond to it.

We seem to have tried everything.
Once again it would seem that my son, who is as far removed from a textbook baby as you can have, has won the battle of wills.

[AndreaY]

You can set aside a couple of days of if he refuses to (on time) or wets himself at home, then he literally will "not go out". So it's just not an empty threat when he refuses to do it. Dunno whether you have the time to do that, but I find toddlers realises their situation a lot quicker "in action" than "in words". My daughter refused to use the potty when I knew she was ready, no amount of treats, encouragment etc. worked. I ended up setting aside 3 days, doing the harsh way. I did not make her clean up, cos I was afraid she would think it'd be fun. I just made her stand in her wet pants in the corner and watch me clean up whilst I told her that she should go in the potty and as a consequence of her actions, we would not go out.

Also I made it a point that the potty is in the toilet (easier to clean up mess) and that's where she should wee, and even when she is desperate and still refused to go, I stood there and told her that we would not go anywhere until she did it. On the 1st day, I would be sitting in the toilet with her for more than half hour at a time, and she wee-ed on the floor by the potty out of stubborness. It got less and less and by the 3rd day, she got over the mental hurdle and wee-ed in the potty. Think the thing is I basically broke her will on that front and she realised quite quickly that she was not going to win that one.

[Yuen]

My friend tried this with her little girl as she couldn’t get her to sit on a potty as she showed no interest whatever.

She made a “present” box out of an old shoe box, covered it with shiny silver paper and lined it with tissue paper and let her little girl decorate it with stickers. She then wrapped lots of little presents (party bag types).

She showed her the box, got her potty out and said “if she sit on her potty she will give her a present from her box” – believe it or not she actually sat on the potty by the end of the day she had a little dribble in it. During the week, she had a few dribbles, full pee pees, accidents but by the end of the week NO accidents at all.

She honestly thought she would never get her potty trained as she didn't have a clue and she just wasn't at all interested - its amazing how bribery works!!!! She has also stopped asking for a present when she has done a pee pee as she is so pleased with herself anyway – My friend did worry she would be giving her presents forever more but she has just 'forgotten' about it

I will definitely try this myself when I potty train my little girl.

Good luck.

[Matty]

He's been sitting on the potty, and then moved on to the toilet seat, and was having no accidents.

AndreaY, glad to hear someone else had a reluctant child.
I could stay home and start again, worth a try.

Since my original post, he went to playgroup this morning, refused to use the potty and wet himself twice.
Looks like we are back to square one.

Maybe he just likes torturing me. He seems to like watching me cry.