how do you handle parents who love to brag?

[carang]

there's also a difference between having a discussion about children's development and how your child "measures" up...

for example: my daughter spoke much more and much earlier than my son... i have been amazed at her vocabulary at such a young age. by the age of 2 she know hundreds of words and could speak in full sentences.

that is not bragging. it is a fact. however, if i said:

my daughter is amazing... she knows so many words and can tell me exactly what she wants. i never have to guess. it is wonderful... i see your child isn't the same way... too bad!

the feelings that you generate hearing that may be very different compared to the first one.

[aussiegal]

there's also a difference between having a discussion about children's development and how your child "measures" up...

for example: my daughter spoke much more and much earlier than my son... i have been amazed at her vocabulary at such a young age. by the age of 2 she know hundreds of words and could speak in full sentences.

that is not bragging. it is a fact. however, if i said:

my daughter is amazing... she knows so many words and can tell me exactly what she wants. i never have to guess. it is wonderful... i see your child isn't the same way... too bad!

the feelings that you generate hearing that may be very different compared to the first one.

To play devil's advocate, I would say, Yes and No. I mean, why do you need to tell people about your girl's vocab in the first place ? I'm sure if she's that smart people will notice it. Pointing it out merely ends up making other people feel like you are putting their child down.

I think it's ok to say something like, my daughter talked early, or has great vocab but to go so far as to say 'my daughter knows hundreds of words and could speak in full sentences at 2' to me just comes across as bragging.

[fennho]

i agree with carang about HOW you said it, the choice of words and the tone. But if it's simply a conversation between 2 mothers discussing the development of our babies, then i'm totally fine with it. In fact, being Asian myself, last time i used to smile and just downplayed my DD's devt and praise the other, but i read that it's actually bad for your little one (esp at my girl's age - 22mths) as she's beginning to understand the things i said...downplaying it and praising another kid will make her feel insecure and have no confidence in herself. A little praise from the mother when they're at a hearing distant will surely boost their self confidence and self esteem. BUT i'm also conscious not to be labelled a "braggy mom" so i do try to compliment her abilities and not highlight the things she cant do yet. But beforehand, i do discuss this with the mom i'm talking to so we all know we're not being braggy but simply trying to boost our kids' self esteem and confidence? :)

[aussiegal]

I agree that we need to praise our children but there is of course the theory that too much praise or inappropriate praise is as bad. I don't see anything wrong with praising another child in front of your own child. It teaches our children that other kids are worthy of praise too and are special. Otherwise our kids will become little emperors who think they are the best and can't see the talent or good in others.

[Buckeroo]

I don't see anything wrong with Cara mentioning about her girl's vocab... I think every parent is entitled to feel some sort of pride at their children's achievement (no matter big or small). :)

I'm definitely not saying that you stand on the rooftops and shout out your child/ren's achievements or bore your friends to tears by enumerating your child/ren's achievement every time you see them or rub their faces in it. I think we just need to be a bit sensitive to how others feel and know when enough is enough. On the other hand, if we are on the receiving end of what we perceive as intolerable parental bragging, let's just keep in mind that people are entitled to be pleased and happy about something and they are entitled to "share." If we tire of hearing about it all the time, we can always smile politely and tune out. Believe me, they will get the message soon enough.

[reei]

so far , i have not praise my child to someone else . dont see why i should let another mother knows,, i am proud of my child because of what she did.. i just praise my child directly " i love the way you share toys with xxx , just now, i am proud of you".. but usually when no one else is around.. hehe.. the people that i brag to , is my mum, my mother in law, my hubby, they'd be concern of my daughter's development.
also, as for those really comparing for the sake of comparing.. "when did you daughter quit night feeding? my son quits ages ago, already when he is one month old.. quit automatically, i didnt need to train him.. bla.. bla.. bla.." usually i just answer what they asked, and no comment whatsoever, when they start telling me about their son.. how come they still dont get the message?

[nicolejoy]

I personally think it's unhealthy NOT to praise your child to other people. Like Fenho was saying, many Asians go as far as to downplay their children's achievements. If someone compliments their child, they will say "No, actually they're really naughty/not very smart/etc". Children NEED to grow up knowing that their parents think that they are special, smart, important etc. So in that respect, a certain amount of "bragging" if you can call it that is healthy and necessary. It's completely unhealthy for a child to grow up thinking their own parents don't think they are good enough. And I know MANY Chinese people who have that problem, and all the self-esteem problems that go along with that. So please, brag on your kids every once in a while!!

[Buckeroo]

Or you can try a slightly more direct approach... Short of telling them outright, next time they do that, make a joke and hope that they'll get the message. Something like, "Wow, I hope my other friends/parents/in-laws aren't bored to tears. I'm forever telling them my child did this and that every time I see them, whether they asked or not. Sometimes I can't help myself, but I need to remember that they might not be as "into" my child as I am!"

Good luck.