how do you handle parents who love to brag?

[reei]

i guess the point is, other ppl is not really into your kid.. and this is really not a sin.
i was given the enlarge photo of their kid to put in my home.. in which i politely refused, then they asked my hubby to take it back. back then, i thought this is hk culture..

[Suv]

Someone gave you an enlarged photo of THEIR son to put up in YOUR house?!! That is just hilarious. Since they really don't get it- then slowly not hanging out with them is your only option. Anything direct, they would be get even more/ very confused........

[carang]

i guess i tell people about my children because i'm a teacher of very small kids. i use my kids as examples, both good and bad.

i think the problem stems from exactly what aussiegal said... when one praises THEIR OWN child, the other mother feels like THEIR CHILD is being put down... this is not always the case and only demonstrates the second mother's insecurity.

i use my children as examples, to show other parents (many of whom have no experience of children other than their own) that there is a HUGE range of "normal"... for example, when their 2 year old is acting up, i can say offer suggestions on how to deal with it (believe me, there are LOTS of people out there that have no clue)... then i can say, "every child is different. my first was an angel of a baby... only 2 tantrums from birth until 3 yrs... but then the terrible 2's hit... when he was 3!"

they feel like they can relate and know that they are not alone.

as for my daughter speaking... i have used it when saying to parents (whose child is not yet talking at almost 2 yrs of age) that my daughter spoke so early (what i wrote above), but that my son only knew a handful of words when he was the same age. it doesn't make one smarter or more clever than the other... they just learned things in a different order and at different speeds... now when you see my son and speak to him, you would never know that he didn't speak full sentences until almost 3...

i think it all comes from the INTENT of the speaker. i think you can tell when one is just BRAGGING or when one wants a meaningful discussion on child-development.

[aussiegal]

i think the problem stems from exactly what aussiegal said... when one praises THEIR OWN child, the other mother feels like THEIR CHILD is being put down... this is not always the case and only demonstrates the second mother's insecurity.

Hmm, maybe it's a cultural thing. I.e. I'm British/Aussie. For us it is poor form to go on about anything, especially ourselves or our children. So when I hear parents bragging or talking incessantly about their children's achievements I do normally feel like there is some sort of comparison going on between my child and theirs or even their child and every other child in the world (some parents do really think their children are the best in the world!) but I don't feel insecure at all. I mean, I have three children so I've seen a fair bit now and I'm intelligent enough to know that children develop at different paces and have different talents. Further, what one parent thinks is important I might not care about at all. One of my kids has great vocab and speech, another is great at sport. To me, both are fantastic traits to have.

Unlike Carang, I actually tend to think that the 'braggy' parent is the insecure one. Insecure not in their child but in themselves and now finally they have found a way to make themselves feel better. But this goes with my theory that parents that brag are really trying to point out how amazing they are as parents to have raised such a brilliant child!

I'm sure this is one topic we will not reach a consensus on

[carang]

it could be a little bit of both, both mothers feel insecure for their own reasons.

i still think there is a fine line between bragging and speaking to a friend about the children's development. to us, it seems natural to say that "of course all kids develop at their own pace" but to be honest, from my experience over the years with locals, not everyone knows this or maybe i should say, not everyone accepts this.

using my daughter as an example... i don't think i'm an amazing parent because she learned how to talk so early or so well... i think her ability is amazing. i truly find it astonishing. especially when compared to how late her brother was in talking. they each had the same parental influences, the same helper, the same everything (actually my son attended more of my classes when he was very young) but their development has been so different.

i don't think it comes down to my ability as a parent, i think it comes down to her and her personality, and possibly the fact that she came second.

i still think it comes down to the INTENT of the person involved.

otherwise, most of the threads on here would be considered bragging... question: when was your child toilet trained? everyone will have different answers. if my child was toilet trained by 14 months (not the case!) and i said so, would that be bragging? would i be putting others down by mentioning that he was trained by 14 months?
i don't think it would be interpretted that way... again, it is the intent. it is impossible NOT to compare children when questions like this are raised.
(i realise that the current question on the topic is not phrased in the same way, i am just using toilet training as an example)

ps. capital letters are not meant as shouting... merely emphasis.
LOL! This topic could go on for years, as i agree with aussiegal.. consensus will never be met.

[fingerscrossed]

Let me tell you it's ten times worse when the in-laws compare grandchildren who are 2mths apart. From day one, they said they wouldn't compare but it's happened too many times to date and THAT'S ANNOYING. I totally believe it's a cultural thing. My poor little boy had to hear his mummy bite her tongue and say 'yes, my little one is on the slow side. he's not as bright as his cousin' when his grandmother was saying what his cousin could say and do etc. for three consecutive weeks every time we Skyped (they're in Australia but still very Shanghainese in character). I felt so bad after saying that but I had to do it to simply shut them up and it worked .

So when other mums sound like they're comparing, I just brush it off, complement their child and say that every child develops at their own pace.