say NO

[cybabe]

Hi all,

Recently got a problem for my 2.5 yrs old girl, she starting to refuse everything i ask her to do .. such as taking shower/ bath I end up force her to do ( i hate doing that ) and she scream out like crazy and say to me no shower even at night she refuse to sleep .... anyone have same experience? I have try many ways to persude her but still the same.

[carang]

she is VERY normal. she is trying to exert her own control over her life (it doesn't start as teenagers,. it starts MUCH younger!)

the BEST thing to do is offer her some control. that is, give her some choices.

do not say, "you are having a shower"

instead say, "would you like a shower or a bath?" or "would you like your shower before dinner or after?"

when you get her dressed, try "would you like the red jumper or the blue jumper?"

"would you like one potato or two?"
"would you like to read Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty?"
"would you like to watch Pink Panther or Little Einsteins?"

my daughter is VERY strong minded and this usually works a charm. it gives the opportunity to have some control over what is happening to them, but in the end the control is still yours. it takes a while and it takes perseverance. but it DOES work.

i often give my kids choices, not hundreds of options, but two. we make a "deal". we end the deal with either a handshake or a "pinky promise" (we hook our pinkies together and shake on it)...

it's worked so well that my almost 5 year old, now comes up with "deals" of his own!

[Sazzy]

Funs things for me to look forward to but have you tried offering her a choice instead - thats how i plan to tackle it. So say would you like a bath or a shower tonight and give her things to do, like get her towel / pjs ready.

My little girl also refused to sleep and in the end, I just let her cry. First night was 40 mins and then 15 mins and then 5 mins and the 4th night was singing. This coincided with the grandparents leaving - has anything changed in your daughter's life?

[cybabe]

Carang- I will try to offer her some choices see if that work.
Sazzy- Yes we moved to a new place andshe have a little brother a new member in the house but Im talking about a month time since we have this change, Im not sure if she miss her grandparents that may be the case.

[Babington]

As already said, new environment and new sibling could definitely be a factor!

The choices mentioned by Carang is good. I also use this with my kids and it seems to work.

Just remember to be positive, i.e., "Your a good girl and good girls take showers. Now do you want to a good girl or a bad girl?" ....most of the time they choose good.

Babington

[Babington]

Funs things for me to look forward to but have you tried offering her a choice instead - thats how i plan to tackle it. So say would you like a bath or a shower tonight and give her things to do, like get her towel / pjs ready.

My little girl also refused to sleep and in the end, I just let her cry. First night was 40 mins and then 15 mins and then 5 mins and the 4th night was singing. This coincided with the grandparents leaving - has anything changed in your daughter's life?

There's been a lot of debate in this...whether to nurture or to control crying. Should you nurture your child every time they cry so they feel emotionally and physically safe so they can spend more energy growing and develop better bonds with parents which will last their whole life?

Or should you control the crying (emphasis on control not neglect)? In recent years, there has been a concerted effort among many health professionals, in particular baby health nurses, to promote the Infant Sleep Training method known as Controlled Crying (sometimes referred to as ?Controlled Comforting?) as the preferred ( and indeed in some cases the only) desirable method of settling a baby to sleep. The idea behind Controlled Crying is to teach babies to ?self settle? or put themselves to sleep, and to stop them from crying out during the night. It involves leaving the baby alone to cry for increasingly longer periods of time before providing comfort. Originally Controlled Crying was not suggested for babies less than 6 months of age, but increasingly it?s being suggested for use with younger and younger babies, right down in some cases to newborns. In fact one of the originators of the Controlled Crying or ?Cry It Out? form of sleep training, Dr Richard Ferber, originally intended it to be used in babies 18 months and older.


Babington.

[starbucks2]

I have been having a similar problem with my 21 month old going from being a good eater to, once a day most days, refusing to eat without a struggle. I think it is also him trying to assert some control and also to test us! I find distraction works - I give him a toy to play with, a spoon of his own or some crayons and paper. No TV though as that seemed to be too easy an option! Not sure if distraction would work for bath time but what about some new bath toys or bath products? I saw some cool bath pens in B2B which your daughter could use to draw on herself and then wash away (the "ink" is coloured bath gel).