how to ease 2yo toddler to helper's care?

[augustbump]

Hi everyone

i have a 2 year old daughter and will be expecting our 2nd baby this Nov. We recently decided to hire a maid to help me around the house.. I am stay home mom but figured that I really needed the extra help.

The challenge I am facing with is that how can I ease my 2 yo to my helper to be? ie i would like the helper to not only help me cook and clean but somehow be able to help me out with the older one sometimes.. like feeding, taking her to school, play with her sometimes while i am taking care of the wee one.. Unfortunately - the 2 yo is extra sticky and shy.. so it will be a real uphill battle to forge the relationship.

on the other hand.. perhaps i should get the helper to help take care of the little baby when she is born instead of the toddler since the baby will know no better?

i am not sure how to go about it... anyone with experience, foresight, hindsight , advice is appreciated.. i am really not sure what to do esp since this is the first time we are getting help at home.

thanks a bunch

[rani]

I think if you find a helper who's good with kids and enjoys playing with little ones, your 2 year old will take to her right away and be fine. We were also apprehensive when we changed helpers when my son was 2, and within a week the new helper had won him over. I would interview helpers that are already in HK, and the interview should also include playtime with your daughter so you can see how they get on.

Good luck!

[jane01]

My daugthers absolutely LOVE my helper, they have a very close relationship. However, if mummy is home (I work), they only want mummy, so don't be too concerned if this happens to you.

[augustbump]

hi there

i had a trial with my helper to be already. She seems ok with the 2 yo.. but you will never know until the helper moves in. Spoke to her gfriend and she recommended that it perhaps easier if I ask the helper to take care of the wee one instead of the 2 yo . But to be honest.. its the older one that requires more work !

i wonder if there is like a " pattern" i should follow.. like perhaps start with play time- let them play together with me closed by, then graduate to independent play without me, then feeding, bath and eventually sleep??

it be really sad and annoying if there is no mojo between my helper and the 2 yo.. i have seen that with some friends and its quite a challenge to the parents

[howardcoombs]

There is no real pattern, but the kids will follow by example. My suggestion (it has worked for us):

If your helper is young, treat her as a sister. If she is older, treat her as an Auntie. In short, treat the helper as you would a close family member who happens to live with you. Dont treat her as as worker (giving orders) but treat her as family (could you please bring me xxxx).

Kids will quickly (some kids more slowly) will come to see the helper as part of the family and will then happily play, listen to and follow the helper's instructions.

HC

[augustbump]

hi howardc

i think thats a very wise advice you are giving me.. thanks! will definitely want to have a happy addition to our nuclear family!

[AussieMum]

I hired our first helper when my daughter was just over 1, and about 5 months before the new baby arrived. Firstly, I think it is important for you to encourage a bond between the helper and your daughter early so that daughter has plenty of time for her to get used to having her around and interacting with her (and limit jealousy when she doesn't have 100% of mums time when mum needs to give 100% of her time to the new baby). Exactly what you said, start in small steps, firstly get your helper to observe how you interact with your daughter. Then get her to play with her when you are around. Close yourself in another room so you can hear them, but out of sight from your daughter. Then when you are ready, if you have a play area in your building, get them to do trips down to it regularly. It is good to give you a break, especially as you get towards full term, and get them to develop a relationship. If you have friends with helpers, maybe also encourage joint play dates with other helpers and kids as well. Or get your helper and daughter to do common activities together, like kindermusik etc.
It is also very important that when you are ready, to get baby used to helper too. Your daughter will also appreciate the one on one time and your helper and baby can bond. This doesn't have to be for long, and can also be while your at home.
It is all about training, and allowing your helper to build confidence in their ability with the kids, and also a relationship with them.
Good luck, trust me, you will definitely appreciate the help as you get closer to full term and once bubs arrives. The rest will be needed!

[geomum]

Agree with everything said above BUT be very aware that children can get overly attached to Helpers and that should not pose as a problem to you. Also a 2 year old is adjusting to her new sibling so she will quickly figure out that you are spending most of your time with the baby and she with the Helper, this may create issues of jealousy with the sibling leading to temper tantrums. So try to create a balance. Get the Helper to spend time with both the kids, so that the baby is comfortable with Helper too incase you need to get somethings done. Spend quality time with your older child while the little one is sleeping.
In my case the Helper does all the housework and most cooking. I take care of my 2.5 yr old daughter and 5 month old son. She does take care of my son when I need to drop my daughter to school but thats about it. My daughter likes the Helper and is comfortable being around her.