toddler ****ing helper! how to deal with this?

[geomum]

Talk to your son and your Helper separately, tell your son that its not ok for him to **** people other than mummy daddy and if he wants to show affection towards others then he can hug them instead.
Tell your Helper that you and your husband are not ok with the above situation and if she sees him approach her with a ****, then she should hug him instead and tell him that ****es are only for mummy daddy.
I would not be ok with with my daughter ****ing our Helper. Although I have seen Helpers and kids sharing spoons and straws on several occasions, so basically the helper is passing her germs and bacteria to the kid.

[thanka2]

This topic is so interesting to me. Our son ****es our helper but it is totally up to him. He usually gives her a **** on the cheek. Sometimes he's not in a hugging or ****ing mood so he won't hug or **** anyone. And he only hugs and ****es people he is close with. I think it's only natural that he would **** our helper as right now for 5 days/week she is his primary care giver during the day. I think it would be strange to forbid him to **** our helper as we see her as a very close and important part of our family. We view our helper as if she was truly a blood-related auntie. I wouldn't forbid my son to **** my sister or brother so neither will I forbid him to **** my helper.

But, I think that this sort of thing has a lot to do with the culture and upbringing of the parent concerning what is appropriate behavior. Some families are quite restrictive about how they show physical affection inside and outside the family and other families are more relaxed. If it truly does bothers you then having a chat with the helper and respectfully explaining your rules is the first thing, I would do. But, be careful to not make it seem like, "Well, you're JUST THE HELPER and it's a BAD THING for my child to **** you." I don't think it's helpful for the relationship to make the helper feel bad or guilty as if she's done something wrong by allowing your child to **** her--because, actually, she hasn't. And your son hasn't done anything wrong or bad by showing affection this way either. He has just done what came naturally and children are known for doing that.

I would just explain it in light of culture like, "Where I come from and how I was raised, ****ing is something that children only do with their parents or immediate family members so culturally, we'd just like to keep it that way--no offense to you--it's just something about our culture."

[carang]

very good advice, thanka!

[1stimemum]

i dont have much experience (baby only 11ish mths) but what thanka said really resonates with me. it is definitely cultural as i did not grow up with expressive parents and i did tell my helper from day 1 that ****ing him was only done by parents.

even uncles, aunts dont **** - but i know thats just my family. Hugs are GReat.... and I'm going to go that way. i definitely want to encourage him to be affectionate but that expression may be different in different families!

BUT i really dont know what will happen when he is a toddler and want to actively **** her. I do think I'm going to go Geomum's route and explain that ****ing is for parents only.

[thanka2]

very good advice, thanka!

Danka. :)

[Nayeli]

Hi there,

Well, kids ****es are usually wet, aren't they.

I don't understand what's so bad about your son ****ing the helper. My boy ****es and hugs the helper too.

It's nice for me and for many reasons:it means she's nice to him even when I am not around and it also means my son is NORMAL, after all, they are together a lot, she takes care of him when I am not around, they play together, its perfectly normal for him to ****/hug anyone who wins his affection, call it parents, grand parents and in this case our helper.

I wouldn't teach my son to think he shouldn't be affectionate to the helper, its nice to see him express his feelings naturally, besides it might backfire if he starts thinking when and to whom to love/care for...

N

[Gataloca]

Each morning when I go to work, I would give lot of ****es to my 23 month old. My helper would carry him, and I would **** him and he would **** me back, sometime on my lips. My helper seems to find that cute, and would also **** my baby and ask him to **** her back as well, sometime when my baby and I are going out, or when she tells my baby good night... I didn't have much problem with that till I saw her ****ing on my baby's lips!!! OMG!

Now, I know that I have probably set a bad example to my helper by ****ing my baby's lips... but how should I talk to her about that?... would I hurt her if I tell her not to **** my him there? should I just tell her, or wait till I see her ****ing his lips again before I bring that out?.. what if she is ****ing him all the time when I am not around?

[carang]

just say, "i see that X likes to give ****es to you. That's great. but please make sure it's only on the cheek. Lip ****es are for family only."