toddler ****ing helper! how to deal with this?

[bagel]

Hello Ladies,

My 2 year old is super affectionate and expresses this as actively as I do in terms of hugging and ****ing. I am physically very loving to my son, find him irresistible and hug and **** him often. Obviously, children will copy their parents, learn from them first, so it is okay as long as he does this with parents but how to tell him or make him understand that it is not okay to do this with the helper?!

If I say to my son "It is okay to **** parents, but not others" in front of helper when he is doing this, I also have to take into account how the helper might be feeling! Any suggestions for word choice?

[carang]

both of my kids are the same. personally, i've never had a problem with it. to me and to them it is just a way to show affection towards a woman who has spent a lot of time with them since they were born.

why do you think it is inappropriate? do your kids hug and kids family that they see once/year? is that ok for you? why are you drawing a line that doesn't necessarily need to be drawn?(i'm not being nasty, just truly curious)

[nicolejoy]

I agree with Carang - I think it's sweet that my daughter ****es all her aunties (her friends mums), her teachers, our helper, etc. I would draw the line at her ****ing strangers but I don't think she'd want to do that anyway! Do you allow your children to **** aunties and uncles, or teachers etc? Or ONLY parents? I think whatever you do, you need to be consistent and I don't think it's "fair" to allow the children to **** everyone EXCEPT the helper... *shrugs* it would be rather confusing to them, I think...

[dimsum mum]

i suppose my question would be why do you feel that it is not appropriate for your child to **** and cuddle your helper?

do you mean "it's okay to **** parents but not others?" or do you mean "it's okay to **** parents, but not helpers?" do you don't want to confuse your child into thinking parents are the only ones it is okay to smooch and then encourage them to cuddle and smooch someone else who isn't a parent.

as usual, i agree with cara...and like her, i hope i don't come across as nasty, i just think you will be able to solve this problem sooner if you give the issue a bit more thought.

[mela]

I agree with the ladies above. My toddler ****es my helper and shows her a lot of love which makes me happy as it shows they have a good realtionship and that when I'm at work I don't need to worry.

[howardcoombs]

How do you classify and treat your helper? Is she a "worker" or "a domestic servant" or "an auntie" ?

In our household, our helper is an auntie. She is part of our family and gets treated as an auntie; as an auntie she gets the same hugs and ****es that any auntie would get. Myself and my wife also hug them when appropriate (birthdays, xmas etc etc), so the kids follow the same example; no different than any other family member.

You have to set your own boundaries and do whats comfortable for you. If you choose to classify and treat your helper as just a "worker", same as the plumber or the doorman, then ****ing would obviously cross the line.

Personally, in line with the other comments above, I prefer treating the helper as part of the family. This inclusion adds to the happiness of the helper and in turn general mood of the household.

HC

[mummymoo]

Bagel, I'm like you, super affectionate to my little one as is my husband but we draw the line in terms of ****ing on the lips with anyone other than mummy and daddy. That includes grandparents (the first few times they were totally offended when she refused to **** them on the mouth), my and my husband's siblings (no issues) and god parents (no issues) etc. ****es on the cheek and hugs are no problems at all for our helper, all of the above, friends of ours and friends of hers. I think what most other writers are trying to say is not to deliberately sideline the helper (because she is a helper) is important, and also giving her her dues for being a great primary carer for your child. It's important for the health and sustainability of you and your helper's relationship.

[bagel]

Hi Ladies,

I meant it is not okay to **** using saliva and drool to **** helper. He can do that with parents but not outsiders. I am wondering if there is a more effective way to teach my son that it is not okay to **** her with saliva etc.
Thanks!