Why Chinese Mothers are Superior...??

[Biggie]

The article is trying to sound extreme, afterall selling books is business. That aside, I think a lot of Chinese parents are just not afraid to be honest to their kids when it comes to their achievement. Eg if I did horribly at sports day, my mom wouldn't be afraid to say sth like "well you aren't gifted in sports" which is cool cos that's true. Versus "western" parents who would say "oh you did your best, well done". Well eventually your kid will ( hopefully) realize that you are just saying it to make him feel good. But if anyone is gonna tell you the ugly truth, it would be your family. Chinese family would not mind pointing out things like "you've gotten fatter" though it's not pc. I think that's a good thing.
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[carang]

BUT there is a big difference between saying to a child, "well, you did your best" and "wow! you're the best soccer player ever!". what a parent is trying to do is help the child deal with losing the game or not having played as well as other players.

as an aside: i used to play monopoly with students. i had a couple of students who cried EVERY TIME they lost. i had to explain to them that we weren't playing the game "to win" but as a learning yet fun experience. if you only ever play to win, then that will eventually take the fun out of it (of course everyone likes to win) as you WILL NOT always win. as a parent, i try to teach my kids ways of dealing with the loss besides blaming oneself and beating oneself up over it.

[Gataloca]

Now, that's a "solid" retirement plan.

Yes, I guess having a child is a kind of investment after all :-)

[thanka2]

This discussion reminds me of the book by Dr. Seuss "Oh, The Places You'll Go!"

I think one thing our world is always in need of is balance. Most current studies about child psychology recommend being truthful with your children but there are ways to be truthful and also tactful.

So, that's why when children do something and you praise them you're specific about it. Instead of saying, "Wow, you're good" you say "Wow, you made a basket." Therefore, you're commenting on the action and not on the person. Why should our children's sense of self worth be completely tied to whether they succeed or not?

Both sides have it wrong in this case. "Chinese Mothers" equate success with the child being valuable as a person (you're only worth what you can earn). "Western Parents" give their children the notion that no matter what they do they are successful in every way and therefore their children really can't deal with rejection because it assaults the very fundamentals of their over-inflated sense of self (i.e. the "iPod generation"--everything is about "i" and "me" and personalizing your world to your tastes--everyone should fall into line with you because of course you are perfect in every way). And thus the pendulum continues to swing.

Every person is valuable even if they don't succeed. Even the homeless person on the street that people consider to be "worthless" is a valuable human being. How can we teach our children compassion and understanding if they only understand that "you're nothing unless you do well in life." So, let's start being realistic with our children.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by the incomparable Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

[Gataloca]

The article is trying to sound extreme, afterall selling books is business. That aside, I think a lot of Chinese parents are just not afraid to be honest to their kids when it comes to their achievement. Eg if I did horribly at sports day, my mom wouldn't be afraid to say sth like "well you aren't gifted in sports" which is cool cos that's true. Versus "western" parents who would say "oh you did your best, well done". Well eventually your kid will ( hopefully) realize that you are just saying it to make him feel good. But if anyone is gonna tell you the ugly truth, it would be your family. Chinese family would not mind pointing out things like "you've gotten fatter" though it's not pc. I think that's a good thing.
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Sometime the truth is ugly, bu there is a difference between saying it in a positive or in a negative way. My parents always use the negative way... they kind of think that it will make us push and try harder if they put it that way.

I think no one is perfect in this world, and most of the time, it depends if you see the glass of water as half full or half empty. My mom seems to focus always on the empty side of the glass. Again, I was very unlucky, as my baby, my brother's baby, and my cousin's grandson were all born on the same week. My mom just said "well, lets see who grow faster!". So she just keeps on comparing our babies. For example, my brother's baby and my cousin's grandson already got their first teeth, while mine still hasn't (mine is also the skinniest one as I breastfeed and probably due to his eczema, he didn't gain much weight). My mom just said that my baby was slow. I told her that every baby grow at his own speed. She said "sure, and yours will always be the slowest one!".

[carang]

how you managed not to punch your mum in the nose, i don't know! LOL!

[Gataloca]

Well, it took years of practice :-)
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[thanka2]

Sometime the truth is ugly, bu there is a difference between saying it in a positive or in a negative way. My parents always use the negative way... they kind of think that it will make us push and try harder if they put it that way.

I think no one is perfect in this world, and most of the time, it depends if you see the glass of water as half full or half empty. My mom seems to focus always on the empty side of the glass. Again, I was very unlucky, as my baby, my brother's baby, and my cousin's grandson were all born on the same week. My mom just said "well, lets see who grow faster!". So she just keeps on comparing our babies. For example, my brother's baby and my cousin's grandson already got their first teeth, while mine still hasn't (mine is also the skinniest one as I breastfeed and probably due to his eczema, he didn't gain much weight). My mom just said that my baby was slow. I told her that every baby grow at his own speed. She said "sure, and yours will always be the slowest one!".

You should tell your mom that actually getting teeth early isn't a sign of anything particularly good--it is actually a sign of aging. One hundred years ago before our world was as full of chemicals/pesticides/preservatives/pollution as it is now and when people were eating a more whole-food diet children often didn't get their teeth until much later (3-years-old) and that was considered normal.

Much in the same way that girls are starting puberty earlier and earlier due to hormonal influences in the environment (hormone-mimicking plastics, hormones in meat and dairy etc.) dental age is one of the indicators of maturity. So, children who get their teeth early are basically growing up faster (physically) and in the end that means they're further ahead in the aging process which means basically, to be morbid, they're closer to death (because that's where all life leads to--no one gets to escape it). This is part of the reason why studying teeth is useful in crime investigation and even in anthropology.

Anyway, whether your children get teeth early or not is inconsequential in the long run.