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food for helper plus other things

  1. #1
    smiling face1 is offline Registered User
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    food for helper plus other things

    hi guys, sorry to bother you but I really need an advice.

    even though has our helper 100% access to all our food and I mean also organic and expensive stuff, snacks icecream...she is always finding something that is missing in our menu ..today she has complained that I never buy crab...sometimes she complains that I buy brand of food that is not "yummie" for her...she is already cooking separately for herself because she does not like what we eat. she does not want to eat leftovers and prefers everything fresh. actually me and my husband are far less picky than she is...

    I was wondering that I would give her just food allowance but I already do alot of her work including deep cleaning or ironing or I bring stuff to the dry cleaners...so I can not imagine how we would organize our time if she had to do all her food shopping and cooking on the top of her duties...I do not want to eat stuff from the wet market where she obviously would go to get her own food...I do parknshop deliveries and buy fresh veggies etc on my way home from the gym

    there are other issues making me tired but we want to keep her because she is always in a good mood and great with kids. I am not working at the moment.

    TIA for your remarks


  2. #2
    smiling face1 is offline Registered User
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    I forgot to mention that she has up to 2hours for lunch but this should be her time to rest


  3. #3
    OldtimerMum is offline Registered User
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    Not to sound heartless, but she's taking advantage of your good nature.

    Have you considered telling her that crab is expensive and you do not eat it, so there is no way you're going to buy it?

    If you give her a food allowance, she can do her shopping on her time - give her an hour on Saturday or some other time if you feel generous.


  4. #4
    smiling face1 is offline Registered User
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    Thank you very much for your replies. We had a quick chat and she said she would consider food allowance. Than she would share the cost of crab with some other friends on her days of and buy more seafood etc. She has just boiled some of our prosciuto crudo with her noodles for her dinner saying it was too salty....

    She used to cook her favourite foods for the whole family and we found out that we have different preferences so she ended up cooking her own meals, which was ok for me as long as it did not take too much time. Our previous helper had food allowance at the beginning but she was on the instant noodles all the time to save the money so I just forced her to eat from our stock and I think she was quite happy with that. I think our new one would soon end up on instant noodles as well if she had food allowance. I want her to be well fed and rested as she helps me with my active kids.

    I do some of housework myself because she is not so good at cleaning and she is rather slow with her ironing. But she is really patient with kids and nobody is perfect...


  5. #5
    treasure is offline Registered User
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    Omg, I am scared to even listen to such stories. I am currently due with my 2nd child and have just signed a helper.
    Guys, I would really appreciate some advice to set things straight with the helper right from the beginning. Tips on managing the helper are welcome as it would save me from unnecessary hassle and tension during pregnancy!


  6. #6
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    Usually, I hear of opposite stories - of employers who are awful to helpers - who give them only white bread or make them eat leftovers. Maybe this is because I'm in a more local neighborhood. But this is a bit ridiculous - asking for crab!

    Why don't you just pay the food allowance. Legal minimum is $900. I pay a bit more, to be decent, since an extra $300 is not much for us per month. $1,200 / month (or $300 / week) is fine for local groceries. If she wants to treat herself to a restaurant or something special with her friends, she can pay out of her salary, like anyone else.

    It doesn't take much time out of their day. Basically, my helper either buys food on the weekend / in the mornings when I am home and she has off. (I work afternoons and evenings, which is when she works.) Or, sometimes, she'll pick up something while she's shopping for me, and just pay separately for her bag.

    She usually has bread and coffee for breakfast. And for lunch and dinner, she has basic Asian food that's quick to make. We're not super-strict about real basics like rice or water. So, when she makes a big pot of rice for the family / kid, she can take a bowl, and then add her own toppings. (We're not so stingy that we're going to deny her a bowl of rice). There's a little flexibility. If I've made too much food, or we've ordered too much at a restaurant -- and I know my husband and I won't have time to eat it -- she can have it. And if we're having a big family celebration, like a birthday cake, she joins in. But mostly she eats her own stuff, and it's fine with us.

    And, of course, we don't work her 24/7. She has enough time to make a simple meal - for ex, when baby is sleeping. In fact, I barely notice it.

    Maybe it's just a matter of preferences. Our helper has very different tastes than we do. She did not enjoy our more expensive foods -- organic produce, health foods or imported goods had little appeal. She also didn't like the fish, tofu, etc, we prefer. She prefers more junk food (unfortunately) like breads, sweets, etc., and local foods, like noodles or pork.

    She keeps her dry goods in her room. And she has a corner of the kitchen cabinet / fridge that's for her stuff. Once I accidentally ate the cake she bought for herself! But we just laughed over it.

    That's what I would recommend, since it sounds like you're spending more than $1,000 a month to feed her anyway. Let her get her own food, and be a bit flexible about it. We're all happier this way.

    I like your comment about not expecting every helper to excel at everything. Mine is honest, dependable, kind, great with kids, does all the basic housework. But she's a terrible cook, so I do the work in the kitchen! But for HK $4,000 a month, I'm grateful for what I have.

    smiling face1, lesliefu and Sage like this.

  7. #7
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    Don't be scared. The Internet always attracts the (minority) of cases that are horror stories. And Hong Kongers tend to be ridiculously critical of these women, who work very hard, very long hours, for not very much money. I think it's a bias, intentional or not, against poor dark-skinned workers, and also an unforunate habit of complaining dramatically about everything. (I say this as a HK Chinese myself - it's not one of the nicer parts of our culture).

    But the grand majority of helpers are here to work to send money home. I've been back in HK for more than a decade, and the grand majority of helpers I've met are honest, kind, diligent. They care for our children, our elderly, do our housework for us, etc. I have 3 very old relatives cared for by helpers who don't just do their jobs, but who really put care and love into it. Compared to how expensive and limited such care is in the West, we should count ourselves lucky.

    There is no secret trick except for basic decency. If you have any rules, set them out in the beginning clearly. For ex, state her days off, her duties, etc. Write it down if you must. Then treat her like a decent human being and, most of the time, she will be decent back to you.

    In the very rare case that she does something awful, like steal, then you fire her.

    But don't jump to conclusions. I've seen people here scream at their helpers for leaving a bit of skin or seed on an apple, or fire someone for a comment that was made or one mistake. In those cases, I blame the employers when the helper acts out.

    TNT likes this.

  8. #8
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    Treasure - By the way, my helper was invaluable to me during pregnancy. She started when I was 7 months along with my first child, when I was struggling to do housework while suffering from edema, while working full-time.
    That first week, just having someone take care of the flat, pack me healthy lunches, run to the supermarket for me -- it was great. So look on the positive side of things.
    Now as a pregnant mom again -- with a toddler at home and a full-time job -- I don't know what I'd do without her.
    Sure, she's made some minor mistakes, but I wouldn't call it a "hassle."


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