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Single mom soon-to-be in Hong Kong

  1. #1
    mimimimimiiii is offline Registered User
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    Unhappy Single mom soon-to-be in Hong Kong

    Hi, I'm 15 weeks preggo now. My bf just broke up with me recently and he said he doesn't want the baby in his life, he was kept convincing me to to the abortion, otherwise, he gonna break up with me. So I decided to keep the baby and he broke up with me now.

    I'm wondering is there any child support to protect the baby when the baby born to make him pay for the child support? And how much he has to pay (he doesn't make much money)?

  2. #2
    Gracey is offline Registered User
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    First of all, congratulations! Remember, even if everything is not going as expected right now, that having a baby is ultimately a wonderful thing. And that there are many single parents who make it through those tough early years to have great, loving relationships with their children.

    As for child support -- first, you should ask him. If he says no, the only way to force him is to have a court order. And to have a court order, you have to prove paternity. This is harder if you were not married. If he denies the child is his, you have to legally prove that it is.
    This depends on how cooperative he is. Some men don't want to raise the child, but will send some money.
    Others will play hardball -- and the mom will have to go after him through the courts.
    If the second scenario is true, you will want to calculate whether it is worth it. If you are really poor, the government will provide you with free legal aid. If you are not very poor, you will have to pay for an expensive lawyer, and maybe pay for things like DNA tests. If this ex-boyfriend does not have much money, then you have to figure out whether it's worth it.

    Also seek out places where you can find support. Are you Chinese? There's an association for single parents, but the website is only in Chinese. http://www.hkspa.org.hk/web/

    Best of luck to you!

  3. #3
    dressuphk's Avatar
    dressuphk is offline Registered User
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    please check out this link for seeking free legal support from the HK government if you are not sure about this issue: http://www.gov.hk/en/residents/gover...ice/advice.htm

    I would imagine he has responsibilty to support the child. good luck to you and the baby!

  4. #4
    Trinity is offline Registered User
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    I fully agree with Gracey's comments, having made enquiries for myself and other mothers over the years. I'll add some additional comments. I believe a law was passed over the past few years to enforce child support payments. Previously, a court could instruct a father to make child support payments, but did not have any law in place to force a father to do so. This new law means that a father can be stopped leaving / coming to Hong Kong should he not be up to date. However, the amount paid appears to be commensurate with however much the father earns, and a father can convince a court that he is poverty struck, or bankrupt, and have the amount paid to the mother held at a minimum. In one case I know, the father only pays $2,000 per month. It's better than nothing of course, but it still doesn't solve the problem of how to survive overall. In addition to the free legal support link put up by dressuphk, the HK law society also has a list of lawyers offering 45 minutes of free legal consultation. Don't go over the 45 minutes, or they will charge you. Visit www.choosehklawyer.org, go to 'find legal sevice' on the left hand column, go to 'find free legal consultation', and then choose "Family Law". But my more worthwhile advice is to strive to 'keep it nice' with the father, as well as with his family. Sometimes the daddy's need some time, even a long time in many cases, to come round to accepting that they are a father. There are an incredible amount of stories out there such as yours. Fathers, both young and even older ones in their 40s have run away as fast as they can from the situation. In some cases it just scares them to death, but then they step up to the plate of the responsibility. Don't blame him, because he is where he is in terms of his path to maturity. If you keep it nice with him, then 'if' he does have any potential to come round, you won't have already blown up that path. He family might also be of some assistance which is why you should keep your relationship with them friendly. It's easy to blame him for being a bad person, but it's more constructive to try to understand the father's side of the story.
    Back to the practicality of life in HK. One of the goods things about being a single parent here is that we can hire a full time helper to take care of the child and home while we work. This is a great help to single parents here that we don't have in places like Australia and the UK.
    Big congratulations on your falling pregnant. I am certain that you'll look back at your decision as the best that you have ever made.

  5. #5
    mimimimimiiii is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I fully agree with Gracey's comments, having made enquiries for myself and other mothers over the years. I'll add some additional comments. I believe a law was passed over the past few years to enforce child support payments. Previously, a court could instruct a father to make child support payments, but did not have any law in place to force a father to do so. This new law means that a father can be stopped leaving / coming to Hong Kong should he not be up to date. However, the amount paid appears to be commensurate with however much the father earns, and a father can convince a court that he is poverty struck, or bankrupt, and have the amount paid to the mother held at a minimum. In one case I know, the father only pays $2,000 per month. It's better than nothing of course, but it still doesn't solve the problem of how to survive overall. In addition to the free legal support link put up by dressuphk, the HK law society also has a list of lawyers offering 45 minutes of free legal consultation. Don't go over the 45 minutes, or they will charge you. Visit www.choosehklawyer.org, go to 'find legal sevice' on the left hand column, go to 'find free legal consultation', and then choose "Family Law". But my more worthwhile advice is to strive to 'keep it nice' with the father, as well as with his family. Sometimes the daddy's need some time, even a long time in many cases, to come round to accepting that they are a father. There are an incredible amount of stories out there such as yours. Fathers, both young and even older ones in their 40s have run away as fast as they can from the situation. In some cases it just scares them to death, but then they step up to the plate of the responsibility. Don't blame him, because he is where he is in terms of his path to maturity. If you keep it nice with him, then 'if' he does have any potential to come round, you won't have already blown up that path. He family might also be of some assistance which is why you should keep your relationship with them friendly. It's easy to blame him for being a bad person, but it's more constructive to try to understand the father's side of the story.
    Back to the practicality of life in HK. One of the goods things about being a single parent here is that we can hire a full time helper to take care of the child and home while we work. This is a great help to single parents here that we don't have in places like Australia and the UK.
    Big congratulations on your falling pregnant. I am certain that you'll look back at your decision as the best that you have ever made.
    Thank you for giving me the advise. The last thing I want to do to the baby's father is force him to pay for the child support or go to the courthouse with him. Deep inside me I truly know that he doesn't want to be with me and the baby anymore. He said the baby and I will be his burden for life. He told me how much he wants to focus on his career, get a part time job plus maybe sign up for school again. But I found out he download the dating app and chat with random girls and even wanted to meet them up. This is heart broken for me. And he has no family in Hong Kong, he is all alone here. So hopefully there is something to protect single mom like me and make him pay for the child spport like US.

  6. #6
    prettynvain is offline Registered User
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    ^hi! Congratulations!

    you may need to go to court house bringing with you proof of paternity.. You can also seek for Government support later if the father really cannot provide you and your kid with financial support.

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